Taking myself to new heights!

I recently completed a Level 5 CPCAB Certificate in working somatically with trauma and thought I would share a part of my own personal journey on this.

Heights and escalators were a big thing for me. I would be thinking about the escalators at the stations before I even began my journey. I didn't know what all the sensations were, nor what was happening to my nervous system. I just knew it was too much to cope with. I would get really anxious and irritated and didn't understand what was happening and would do my best to change my journey to avoid. If I had someone with me, someone I could trust, I would ask them to place their hand on my back to give me a felt sense of safety. The tightening in my body, the feeling of nausea and like I was going to fall backwards would lock me into a freeze and nothing could settle me until I got to the top.

The journey gave me so much psychoeducation and taught me a lot about myself. The point where I could catch the thought, feel the sensations and learning to sit with how uncomfortable it was, gradually increased my tolerance. I would get closer and closer to glass bannisters on high floors, build the ability to be able to sit with these somatic sensations and eventually get to the edge. I learnt to uncouple the fears, giving my nervous system a new experience. It had learnt a maladaptive pattern, and I was unlearning it to learn a new one. The adult in me didn't have the fear it was my inner child. So I held her hand along the journey as this was what we both needed..... and then I got to do this

Hot air balloon

Sunrise

Wow! Never in a million years did I think I would go up in a hot air balloon. As I walked towards it, my head wanted to be scared, it kept telling me it's going to kick in now, but my body didn't react somatically. No way would I have been smiling waiting to go up, I would have still been in the truck saying I can't do it, locked in a freeze close to a shut down. My nervous system was slightly activated, but I now see that as excitement, there was no fear in my body and so my head decided to let it go. What an amazing experience. I even put my arm over the edge and took photos. I felt so loose, so bubbly, so big. I got out of the balloon and jumped in the air, filled with happiness and pride. Learning to uncouple the fear I got to experience something I could never have allowed myself.